Trouble with Transitions
2021 is a big year for our household. We have a big change coming our way and I am struggling with it in so many ways.
While I can’t divulge the nature of the change for a few months (I’ve been asked to keep it on the down-low by relatives) I do want to talk about what I’m experiencing as an “Anxiety Mom.”
I am not a person who deals well with big changes just looming in the future. I never have been. I’ve always been a strategic, futuristic type of thinker (according to Strength’s Quest at least) and struggle with being in the present moment of many experiences.
This change is both daunting and exciting. There will be so many new things to do, new places to explore, and many new experiences. But I’m also leaving behind a community of people who I have grown to consider to be family. While technology can keep us all connected, the COVID-19 pandemic has taught me how much I crave seeing my friends and family in real life.
But let’s take a closer look at the struggle with transitions and change. In many ways I am excited, I’m bored with where I am now (again probably mostly caused by COVID isolation.) I’m ready for new and exciting experiences, and being stuck here makes that future all the more desirable. I hate waiting, I hate the in-between time, where you get stuck between your current situation and a future event. Waiting for big things to happen makes me anxious.
The only way to truly deal with this anxiety is to do my best to live in the current moment. In the current month, day, hour. And because we can’t go do anything really outside of picking up groceries and prescriptions, walks around the neighborhood, and outdoor activities away from other people, the current moment, for lack of a better phrase, just sucks.
Work keeps me pretty busy most of the time. My boss is good at keeping projects on my plate as we’ve discussed how much I hate having nothing to do. I like to be busy, it puts me into a flow, where time flies by.
I try to keep busy with hobbies like crochet, loom knitting, reading, video games, and soon digital photography (I got a new camera with part of the stimulus money.) But with all of this I know deep down that I’m just prolonging the inevitable moment of having nothing to do and dwelling on wanting this change to happen now.
With age comes a bit of wisdom and clarity. Ten years ago I don’t think I would have been able to put a name or even describe these feelings. Being isolated because of the pandemic has put a spotlight on how I’ve been keeping myself as busy as humanly possible in order to avoid just being present.
That means as the next few months unfold as we get closer to the next, new big thing, I have a lot of work to do on myself in becoming more present, patient, and calm within the moment I’m in.
Do you struggle with this? What are some things you’ve done to help with anticipation and transitions with yourself or your kids?